2018 Needs a Time Out!

Hello and thanks for reading. Kind of some rough stuff in this months blog just FYI. I started this blog last year as weight loss accountability and healthy lifestyle changes and it has turned into so much more. I know in November, I left you with great things happening, but it took a ugly turn.  In Late November I was laid off 7 years to the day I lost my 30 career in radio broadcasting.  My position was eliminated due to restructuring.  I was devastated. I loved my job.  My boss and I cried.  I chose to work the month of December and look for another job somewhere else in the company and I still had the part time warehouse job and a good severance pay, but quite frankly the holidays sucked.  I could not find anything in another department in the company and so I hugged everyone I could and turned in my badge and went home.  I kept the warehouse job through the Holidays and then OMG they eliminated my shift and I had to make a decision of what shift to go to.  I was starting to feel like my name was elimination. LOL.  Well, I had part time unemployment and I needed to get another job so I took a night gig at a different warehouse.  I was sad to leave my friends but I had bills to pay. My former company hooked me up with a consulting firm to find a job, tweak your resume and help.  I did the webinars and started looking.  The warehouse job was really hurting my legs because my role had changed and I was standing and scanning and pushing carts,  so I was struggling with that five nights a week, dragging my injured body in there, and man they want 5000 packages in 4 hours.  Our little team did our best every night, but there was only 5-7 of us depending on the night.  Anyway, I got an interview with a staffing agency and they got me a data entry job in La Jolla for a year working for a company that manufacturers drugs that help people with long time illnesses.  The drug team I am on is a drug that helps people with osteoporosis.  I think that is perfect for me. Last week I worked both jobs and it killed me. I wasn’t getting enough sleep and my legs were just so done.   At my new job there is a staircase. It is not a long stair case it is one floor!  One floor! It is a beautiful half circle staircase that I cannot climb and quite honestly it made me mad, sad and pathetic every time I had to get in the elevator.  Man this blog is spiraling fast, right?  So as I sit here, iced up, with ointment that for the life of me why can’t they fix the scent of that stuff, its 2018,people!  I made a decision, I have to leave the warehouse job, even though it will hurt me financially because the new job doesn’t pay enough, I need to be alert and pain free so I can do a good job and get permanent status at the new job.  I found two other jobs I can do on the weekends and evenings, so I think I will be okay, but the most important thing is my health.  As I listened to some of the calls the new company gets and I sat with a nurse who was helping a patient with some questions and another gal that helps them find insurance to cover the cost of the drug, I thought to myself, thank God I have my health.  Sure my legs right now feel like tree trunks and just walking Walter takes forever, but that will pass and I will get stronger.  I think this new company is a good fit for me.  They help people and they care and they made me feel welcome right away. I miss everybody so much at my old job and I will miss everybody at my warehouse job but we are friends on Facebook, so we are still in each other’s lives.

I have learned so much about myself in this past year and though I thought I would be at my old job until retirement and never in my life would I have thought I would work in a warehouse to make ends meet, I think I am learning to not be so anxious all the time.  Things will work out.  I was terrified I would be out of work forever like last time, because I am older and who wants that working for them, but my first interview, I got the job! And you know what?  My new goal this week , besides doing my food prep is climb that Staircase on Thursday!!!! One step at a time too, not step then another foot, then step. Step, step, step!!!! Like a Warrior!  I will be the staircase gladiator!!!  Have a good month! Food prepping will be the next blog.  I have a great system. 60 pounds to go! Lets do this !  Show me your war face! Whoo! Rah!

 

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November 2017 Aches and pains and Turkey oh my!

Hello and thanks for reading.  I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer but November 2017 has been a complete train wreck with all the bells and whistles and hitting a wall, but on the good side, I lost 5 pounds and fit into some jeans waaaay in the back of my closet that I never thought I would see again. So there is that.  I am not going to go into all the aches and pains and struggles of my body and the three week illness from the warehouse job and other things, but I am going to share a silly story with you.  Everyday I drive home the same way and when I get to the cross street of where I turn to go home, sometimes I have to wait for the light to change and when I do, there is one of those blowup cartoon creatures that is advertising the car wash.  You know the tall skinny things with arms and face and everything is flailing about because a generator and blowing air through its entire body.  This one is in a plastic car. LOL.  Every day this guy looks different. Either the arms are moving all over the place or the head is everywhere. It doesn’t matter what the cartoon creature  is doing, and no matter what kind of day I am having, when I see this silly thing, I smile, because it always has a smile and looks completely content no matter which way his body is moving.  Today he was straight up, smiling and the arms just waving, it was a little creepy, its like he gave up. So I crossed the street and I wanted to take a picture so I could share on this blog. OMG! As I stood there camera phone in hand, a man comes running and yelling No Pictures, No Pictures.  I said, why?  He said. It is a deity.  Now, I am very respectful of all religions, but I found it hard to believe this blow up cartoon creature was a deity. I smiled and said really?  He said, no, its broken, it won’t dance anymore.  I said why?  He said, I don’t know, it used to move all over , now it just does this. I said did something happen to upset him?  He said. OMG its a balloon. I said, give me a minute. I know I am no balloon whisperer, but I gave it a shot, I walked over to it and said, Hey I have enjoyed your dancing for quite some time now, and I know I am not the only one, what happened? I wish I could tell you , it started dancing, but actually it turned out it needed a patch in its body because the air was going out there, and then it was okay, Come on I don’t care who you are that’s funny! Instead of that picture.  I will share a beach fire and guitar picture.  We are freezing in San Diego County its 60 degrees. LOL. Love you Merry Christmas,  see you in the New Year

October 2017: The month I had three losses and not the good kind.

Hi and thanks for reading. I started this blog about weight loss but I have also peppered in things happening in my life and in this month I have lost three people in my life unexpectedly and tragically and I feel the need to share a bit. I am not a stranger to loss in my family, and it’s always sad. But these three people had many more years to give and many people will miss them every day. When this happens you stop and take stock of your life and try to make it better. You are supposed to right? I cried and got mad and yelled at God, like a child. Why, Why, Why? Then I stopped  and tried to figure out what I could do, I couldn’t go to any of the services because of my work schedule. Then I remembered what my mom used to say.  When somebody you know loses a family member, whether it is expected or not, go visit them a month or so later, after everybody is gone. Take a veggie lasagna and garlic bread and visit, because by then, they will really need you , the walls are closing in and the house is quiet and when you come in with veggie lasagna, garlic bread and salad and hugs, they will relax and visit. I do the same for new babies, moving and of course breakups, but with breakups, you add ice cream.  So that is what I am going to do.

The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  I am in the anger stage, so working on the rest as I travel through this pain.  I believe the one way to work on negative parts of my life, is to do positive things. Keeping that in mind, these past two weeks I have started three new behaviors.  They say it takes 30 days for a new behavior to become a habit.  It has been 10 days.  I have been connecting with family that are far from me and I have felt disconnected from.  So, I call or Face Time or text each of them once a week. I am going to dog beach once a week with my nephew to recharge and regroup and feel the peace that is the sea.  It is helping with the stress and daily struggles immensely, I think for both of us.  Plus we get a mile in each week and Walter has a ball! The third, final and actually most important is my weight loss program.  I have stuck to it for two weeks, no sneaky snacks , and I feel great and 2 more pounds and I have made it into 60 Land. Is that a word? Oh well its a goal I set and reaching it before November is what I want.

I struggled with sharing this part of my life on this blog, writing, re writing, erasing, crying and finally after some prayer, I felt that its okay to share sadness too.  Life isn’t jolly all the time, even though it looks like it on Facebook.  There are real struggles, real pain and real loss.  The trick is how you get through them, how you react, how you go through the journey of the pain and come out on the other side, feeling better, stronger and ready to for the next hurdle or joy that comes your way and appreciate it all. For without the pain, how can we appreciate the joy? Pure joy to me is taking the leash off Walter at Dog Beach and watching him run and run and leap through the waves and bark laugh and having my grandson on Face Time at the same time and him saying run Walter Run and laughing as he watches.  It doesn’t get any better than that.  Have a good month!. Watch that Halloween Candy intake and lets get ready for Thanksgiving fun, football and food!!!!

Falling into October!

October 1st already? I recently went to Costco to smile at my fake boyfriend( that’s a whole other blog and some serious therapy we will get into later) and saw Halloween decorations next to Christmas decorations. I was upset, it was still September. But, it isn’t my call, I can just ignore it. And I did.

Okay, here we go,  As I look back on my blogs and my goals and I am still  a long way from my goal, I feel bad.  I should be done by now, I should be wearing leather pants and crop tops and my arm fat, my wings as I call them, should be curtailed.  I gave myself a brisk shake (figuratively because shaking myself would be weird) and wrote a new goal, a doable goal.  I have three months until I get on a plane and go see my son and his family for our Christmas.  We have started a tradition having Christmas on New Years Day. Mainly because we are a blended family and there are several grandparents and because it is less stress for sure. It worked out great last year, so this will be our second time and I am flying this time. That drive to San Jose was exhausting and  its $100 round trip, so Amazon the gifts to their house, 40 minute plane ride and there you go!  I want to be more comfortable in that plane seat, I want to run with those grandsons of mine in the park and throw a ball to them.   So here are the goals,  stay within my daily WW points, exercise each day, drink water, and no sneaky snacks.  Well, that sounds easy.  I wrote it down, so it will happen.  WRONG! I have to make it happen.  I looked in the mirror this morning and thought, gee when did I get all those wrinkles around my mouth, and eyes? Im still in my 40’s right?  I feel like I am, until I am pushing a cart full of packages at my second job around and its 100 degrees in that warehouse and I think daang I should be sitting at home watching Netflix.  But, you know what,? I am getting stronger at that job, every muscle hurts when I get home, but the next day, I am okay, I can get out of bed and moving so that’s progress and I think I felt a muscle in my calves, like a cyclist. Yeah me!

As the holidays approach, I find myself being a little sad, my family is spread out in different states and cities and I feel disconnected from them, so trying to get some Face Time in with them, but I think about it when I am driving and that wouldn’t work . You think texting and driving is dangerous, video and driving would be crazy. How would that conversation go with the police. Oh Officer I just missed my family and I don’t have much free time, so I am Face Timing while I drive, is that wrong?  LOL!

Well I am going to take this next three months day by day, but with more determination because only I can fix this, nobody else is responsible, just me.  And sometimes, that is hard to accept, but I do and I own it and I will get through it, because for the first time, I believe in myself and I like myself better than I have in years and that is a good start.

October means, cooler temperatures, hot tea and veggie soup in the crock pot and football! This October it means exercise and healthy life too! So hide those mini candies! They may be one point, but they are like potato chips you cant eat just one.

See you in November!

My body feels like that Country Song “Crash and Burn” Happy 61 to me!

Hello and thanks for reading.  My weight loss journey is going okay, with some twists and turns.  The 70’s are moving on down. Want to be in the 60’s by September.  Spoiler Alert, If you are a dude or anybody that doesn’t want to hear about woman issues, do not read any further.

Here is the thing, I do not feel like I am almost 61. I feel 37 or so, but my body disagrees.  It disagrees loudly sometimes and then rudely.  I started menopause at 44. Miserable. Hated all of it, hot flashes, chills, mood swings, the crying and now suddenly when I think I am out of it. Hot flashes return, like last week. You don’t know true hell, until you have a hot flash during a meeting with a lot of important people at  your job and you can feel the red in your face and the sweat happening and suddenly its your turn to talk. Awful. Sometimes I am grateful I am alone when these things happen, because I think, what man can put up with this? But when I talk to my gal pals, lots of men can.

Here comes the second part. I took on a part time job to help with the extra expenses of home ownership in my beautiful San Diego County. This is a warehouse job that requires a lot of movement of bakers racks, packages, and huge water bottles and all my bosses are twenty somethings.  The first week I thought I was going to die. Everything hurt. I would come home, exhausted, had to ice my whole body, then put on Ben Gay ointment, then wrap my feet, and do stretches in the morning just to get to work  at day job. But now, I have lost 10 pounds, I can move with those kids and I can zip up my bright yellow vest. Its the sweating that shocks me. How can one person sweat so much in five hours, everything drenched. So much sweat, I have to wash my safety vest every other day. Even my hat is drenched. I’m so attractive I am sure. LOL I drink water and this cool Powerade that has no carbs and no sugar just to keep the electrolytes in my body. So no gym this summer, just working the warehouse and swimming in the park. Thank God for the whirlpool in the pool area. It has saved my muscles for sure.

What amazes me is the different lotions I need to stop the pain, and do my daily regiment to try to stop time marching across my face as well. Seriously it takes me 25 minutes to get ready for bed.  First off I remove makeup, scrub face with my special Estee Lauder face scrubber, then put on the age defying oil, lotion and eye cream. Okay now, lets get the rest of the body ready for bed, if I had worked the second job its a hot shower to get all the warehouse dirt and grime off me, then put my hair in rollers. ( I know crazy right?) They are these squeezy pipe cleaner curlers, that makes my morning so much easier, just put in back combs and I have a curly bouncy hairstyle for about 3 hours then up in the bun for the rest of the day. Now on to the aches and pains of the rest of this body. So I get my two foot braces and the Ben Gay. Can somebody please tell me why it still stinks so bad? It is 2017, come on people, do something about that smell. I have tried other muscle ointments and they may not stink as bad, but it doesn’t work as well. So, I put that all over my legs, calves, back  and feet. Then I ice my back and legs, then I crawl into bed.  The next morning before I even get out of bed, I do body stretches and then hear all the creaks and feel all the soreness as I start my day.  It is getting better each week, but it really surprises me that intensity of the pain and I vow every day, I am not stopping. I want to be moving around at 80. I want to still be swimming, riding a bike, driving, and dancing.  As I start my day at 5 am every morning, gather my Walter dog and head out for our walk, I say to myself, I am in pain, I may have to change my shoes halfway through the day from flats to tennis shoes, but I am so blessed, I am moving and it will get better and every day standing up and moving is another great day!  So let’s move this summer  and feel better eventually! 🙂

Summertime and the living is easy, so they say!

Hello and thanks for reading.  Well here I am! One year and six months into my weight loss journey and still moving on down, slow and steady on course. I am finally out of the 80’s and  I can see the 70’s peeling away.  It has become the norm for me now, tracking, planning and prepping my meals and counting smart points and checking food for how many smart points it is.  I am frustrated sometimes and it isn’t easy and sometimes I want to quit and eat a entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake and chase it with a chocolate milkshake.

I am having a issue with my exercise and it is the pain I am feeling.  It upsets me that this 60 year old body really feels 60 years old in my feet and legs.  I know the main issue is the weight I am still carrying, but it is frustrating lately when I stand up and both feet just scream ” Stop sit down, your old” In my head I am 35, and I do not like limitations, so every night I can, I exercise, get in the whirlpool at the park, do my stretches, and rub on Ben Gay and put on my elastic wraps and feel bad.  But I tell myself, it will get better and this 60 year old body will get stronger, because it’s never too late. So lets get off the couch and move it move it. I have also changed the shoes I wear halfway through the day. Start out with Flats and then move over to tennis shoes, and then flip flops at night.  The blessing is, I am grateful I can move at all.

June was a busy crazy month and I got 7 new sisters! My brother married a lovely woman and she has 6 sisters! I look forward to getting to know them all and learning more about Brazilian culture with them. There will be trips to Bakersfield for sure in my future.  It was wonderful to see 7 of the grand kids and their family and we are full of hope for my brother’s future in his new marriage.

Dog Beach has become my new place to find peace and tranquility, which is odd because it is pretty loud.  Dogs barking , laughter, waves crashing , and other sounds of summer, but sometimes, I don’t hear any of it, just smell the salt air and feel the ocean spray and breathe.  I highly recommend it and the sounds are good too!

Okay , Summer is here and I am ready to embrace it.  Get these feet and legs working good and have some fun!  Let’s start with the Fourth of July and break out the BBQ.  I feel better about BBQ food now.  That’s what I like about Weight Watchers.  I can have anything I want, just in better portions.  Okay down 60 pounds, lets go for 70! Make it a fun Summer and find your zen! Namaste’

 

Smoke Alarm or R2 D2?

Hello and thanks for reading.  May has been an incredible month with challenges and fun and lots of friends and family visiting, but my war with the smoke alarms rages on! First , about my weight loss journey. I decided after a few weeks of no movement on the scale to pay the $20 a month and do Weight Watchers Smart Points.  I like the app, I enjoy the challenge, and I have lost 5 pounds in two weeks. It is restrictive on sugar and carbs, but I feel really good.

Second Smoke Alarm war! Grr. I have two smoke alarms and one carbon monoxide alarm in a 900 square foot trailer ( sorry mobile home). I respect being safe. I have a fire extinguisher, first aid kit in car and home. For three months these smoke alarms have controlled my life. I changed the batteries in all three of them when the time changed right? Last week they started chirping. OMG! Every time. Walter Mitty, my dog freaks out, ears back, shaking and jumping on my lap. He is 50 pounds! The cats cower. Three days ago they all went off saying fire, fire , fire, carbon monoxide carbon monoxide. I searched every where, I turned everything off, nothing.  At 130 AM last Sunday, Chirp, Chirp Chirp. Walter wakes me up crying, the cats meowing, I go in the room, get on the step stool take down the alarms and change the batteries. AGAIN! Two hours later still chirping. I am DONE! I take all three of them out of the ceiling, batteries out, and throw them away. Finally quiet. I go on line of course to Amazon and I find a plug in carbon monoxide with back up battery and a 10 year battery smoke alarm. I breath a sigh of relief. So when the the smoke alarm with the 10 year battery arrives. I gotta say. I laugh.  When I read he reviews and everybody loved it and put it on their book shelves and their kitchen cabinet. I thought to myself. Am I the only one that sees R2D2?

I fell off the wagon and then set it on fire!!

Its 2 am, I cannot sleep so time to face the music and blog my failure. But its not a failure, its a learning process. Blah, Blah, Blah. April not the best month for this weight loss journey of mine.  I have been going steady like the tortoise for 16 months and feeling pretty good about myself, then it happened.  That sneaky self sabotage that always kicks my butt, but this time it exploded! So I gained five pounds and I cried. I know what it was, yogurt bars at 930 pm and no exercise. Okay, since I have been going to counseling its time to assess the damage and figure out what happened. OMG! Again? Yes again and it will keep happening if you don’t figure it out. Nothing changes if you don’t change. God I hate it when I sound like a bumper sticker. I am not going to drone on about my five pound gain, this time, I am going to do something about it.  I AM GOING TO OWN IT AND NOT MAKE ANY EXCUSES ANYMORE. I gave up on myself and grabbed a box of yogurt bars and sat down and ate the whole box.  Even when my stomach hurt, I didn’t stop.  I didn’t think, I just ate. I haven’t done that in 16 months and that kind of eating got me up to over 400 pounds before, so not happening this time. This time, I face it and all its ugly.  Without going into too many details, I have been dealing with financial issues, work issues, family issues, grief and anxiety about it all. I have been seriously missing my mom and sister in law very much this month, and I want to talk to them and hear their advice and their laughter and feel their hugs around me. They are my go to, when I am having problems. Instead of going through my therapy points and writing it down and working through it, I grabbed a box of yogurt bars.  My life is no different than anybody else.  WE all have stress, grief and anxiety, its how we handle it that matters, right?  So last weekend, I went where I always go when I need to find my zen again.  The beach. As I sat there and listened to the waves, the laughing kids,  and watching the surfers, it hit me.  For those three hours I hated myself again, and I felt like I failed because I am struggling with bills, and making mistakes at work, so I grabbed the yogurt bars, that were supposed to be a treat for a whole week, one a day, not all of them in one day for God’s sake.  So I got up off the beach, dusted myself off and looked for shells for the family calendar and started again.  And you know what, I’d like to say the minute I did that everything was perfect. LOL. It wasn’t but this week went much better and I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I will be okay. Its a step at a time not a jump.  Let’s do this. Not giving up, I’m half way there. You don’t give up either.  Love yourself, you are worth every breath you take.Make it a great day! And when sad, look at this picture and put yourself in one of those chairs with a drink with an umbrella in it and just be!

Beach and ocean scenics for vacations and summer getaways

What IS THAT Chirping sound? You hear it too right?

Hello and thanks for reading.  Almost to April of 2017 and it is a beautiful Sunday in San Diego County and I was all set to take Walter to Dog Beach and get our mile in and then I heard it a chirp, a distinctive chirp, like a high pitched squirrel. Or is it a raccoon? Or is it a bird outside my window, trying to get in? Did I really hear it? I  watching SVU and that show always has that BaaBomb sound, but its not a chirp. There it is again. Okay, I don’t live in the woods, so its not a wild animal. There it is again!  OMG! I’m out of my chair walking through my 900 square foot trailer and there is the culprit, the smoke detector. Aww Man! I know I am supposed to change it with the time change, but my house is just 2 years old, so I thought I was good. Okay, out comes the step stool, and I grab the double A batteries, figuring I will change the carbon dioxide one as well, since I am teetering on a step stool anyway, why not cheat death twice.  Right? That darn smoke detector has a 9 volt battery in it.  Do I have one of those? Nope! Come on Walter we are going to CVS as Ellen calls it (Cotton, Vaseline and Stuff) and get one of those.   So off we go. The line is all the way to the pharmacy and when they add a new cashier, the lady in front of me with two boxes of wine, could not decide for the life of her to try for the new line or stay with the old one, back and forth and back and forth, OMG lady pick a line. She does and when it gets to me, the guy has to change the tape in the machine and it didn’t work. Its like the boxed wine lady knew. I finally make it home and by now too late to go to Dog Beach, if you aren’t there by 10 forget about it no parking spots until after sunset. As I teeter on the step stool and realize I can’t figure out how to put that flipping battery in, and the step stool is too short I fall on the bed. And it is still chirping. OMG! .So of course I google it and  watch the video and grab my bar stool because its higher and FINALLY, I get the battery installed and the smoke alarm hooked back up and as God as my witness , it turned green and then chirped again!! I think to tell me it was happy or the other thing. LOL. As I was putting everything away and  writing on my shopping list 9 volt batteries needed, it hit me.  I haven’t changed a smoke detector battery in 7 years, because I didn’t have my own place. That’s a blessing, I think, that now I do.and I felt victorious over the smoke detector and for people living alone everywhere!  And I didn’t fall and hurt myself! Cue the choir of angels!  And how was your Sunday?

I ain’t afraid of no Leggings!!

Hello and thanks for reading.  Here we are the second year of my weight loss journey and I had a terrible backslide that put me in so much agony, I will surely never do it again.  After a year of finding out about myself, my issues with food, the reason I let myself get to this size, the counseling, and the acceptance, I lost it. And what was my trigger?  Not losing weight fast enough so of course eat crappy food , that will fix everything and also on Valentine’s Day some idiots I used to date wished me a Happy Valentine’s day! It bothered me because I had hoped for relationship with these dudes on a individual basis and each one had disappeared but emerge each holiday to say Happy Whatever and see if you respond so they can string you along another couple of dates. Its called bread crumbing, you go out a few times,maybe even a few months and you think , oh this is nice, he’s nice and then nothing, and you don’t know why and then they do the bread crumbing, some women respond, I used to , but for some reason it really upset me and so what I did was eat a box of chocolates and not Forrest Gump chocolates  but Sees and it was like an angry lion exploded in my heart and I saw nothing but chocolate that had to be killed. Oh the agony the next day and the rest of the Presidents Weekend and part of this past week.  And then so disgusted with my self, I wanted to just give up, and say the hell with it, I’m staying this size. I had a good cry, I looked at my pictures from last year, I cleaned out even more fat clothes and I bought Lularoe Leggings. I know huh? The scariest clothes in the world for a overweight person, but I believe that one of my problems is I am STILL wearing the clothes from last year because they are loose and comfy and friendly and I feel okay and safe in them.  Well, not okay and definitely safe is not good enough, its time to wear something that fits, even snugly. I know I am between sizes  but Leggings fit all sizes right?  So through some great Facebook pals I found a lovely woman who sells out of her garage on face book and I bought two pair!!!! OMG !  And not black, but very colorful, so out of my comfort zone, but that is he theme of 2017, face my fears. So I wore them around the house for a week and then I wore them to work. I changed five times, I wouldn’t look in the mirror,  and then I did and then I smiled and then I went out to conquer the day and I felt pretty, and sexy and worthy and I got many compliments and that is how I want to feel everyday . Only I can give that gift to myself. And now I am back on track and tomorrow I will get up do a mile and a half before breakfast and put a dollar away each day for more Lularoe Leggings! Here is a picture! I had the best Tuesday EVER!!!!! Bring on March! There must be Shamrock Leggings right?  I must have them! Here’s a weird picture, but you get it! Red the cat had to look away. LOL